Experts Issue Quinoa Warning

Experts Issue Quinoa Warning

Nutritionists warn being buried alive in quinoa can be deadly.

Boston, MA

Leading nutritionists are gathered this week at the Quinoa Symposium in Boston, Massachusetts. Many of the sessions have centered around the benefits of quinoa and its complex protein structures.

One group of nutritionists, lead by Dr. Erwin Baldick, are urging consumers to use caution.

"One of the things people are over looking when stocking up on this so-called SUPER FOOD is that a pantry full of the uncooked grain can be deadly!"

Dr. Baldick became concerned after many instances of people being buried alive in their pantries and basements. 

"Consumers are so obsessed with this product, that it is getting very hard to find.  This is causing many people to stockpile it in their homes leading to a very volatile situation."

One website,, will deliver a dump truck full of quinoa to your house for just under $10,000. Dump trucks full of quinoa have been seen going in and out of affluent neighborhoods in many cities throughout the United States. Economists now believe the shortages are actually more likely due to quinoa hoarding rather than production delays as earlier predicted.

So far the death toll across the country is only in the twenties, but experts warn more casualties are on the way.

If you plan to keep more than 100 cubic feet of quinoa in your home here are some precautions you should take:

  • Keep your quinoa cache in a place away from pets and children.
  • Don’t go into your quinoa storage facility without your breathing apparatus and enough breathing tube to reach 25 feet.
  • Notify the QAN (Quinoa Alert Network) via text or smartphone app that you are about to enter your holding area. If you don’t indicate a successful return in under 3 minutes authorities will be dispatched to your location.
  • Don’t overcook your quinoa - it breaks down the proteins and lessens the health benefits.

Please share this article with a pretentious friend - you could save a life.



  • Archie Ferris
  • quinoa, plant protein, super food, Hangry

About Archie Ferris

A man who likes the finer things in life, like Cool Ranch Doritos and a guilt free box of donuts. Archie travels the world in search of "Foodie Perfection" and when he can't find that - he eats his feelings.
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